February is finally upon us and it’s the time of year to celebrate love! Typically, we associate Valentine’s Day with recognizing the love we have within our romantic relationships. But, before we can love another, we must practice celebrating the love we have for ourselves. The concept of self-love is often easily overlooked and devalued by many. However, it is important to consider that people with low levels of self-esteem are more likely to develop symptoms of depression, anxiety, addictive behaviors, as well as a tendency to partake in unhealthy relationships. Also, research shows that people with low self-esteem are also more likely to engage in behaviors that encourage these destructive thoughts, such as sulking or crying. So, how do we recognize low self-esteem, build up our self-worth and break this cycle of negativity? Here are a few warning signs that you or someone you care for may be experiencing if they have low self-esteem.
Lack of control. That’s right- if there is a persistent feeling of losing control of your life or your future, you may be missing that inner voice of strength and recognition.
Let me make you happy! Does this sound like anyone you know? Here are the people pleasers - the ones who are often eager to seek others’ approval through their efforts. This behavior is typically triggered by fear of rejection.
Lack of Boundaries. Are you able to let others know what you will and will not tolerate? People with low self-esteem often struggle to set clear boundaries with others also out of fear of rejection or confrontation.
Self-Sabotaging Behavior. Ever have an opportunity to do something worthwhile and prevent yourself from taking the chance at succeeding? Unknowingly, you may have put that obstacle there to serve a purpose – lessening your odds of failure. Risk-taking becomes a very scary proposition.
My Flaws. People who repeatedly focus on what they cannot do or who they are not instead of their positive traits and successes may be experiencing a lack of self-love driven by fear of rejection and lack of confidence.
No Compliments for Me. Is it difficult for you to accept compliments? Do you see compliments as being suspicious or fake? Perhaps this uncertainty has an underlying lack of not being worthy of anything that is deemed as “good.”
More External Validation Please. Do you find yourself constantly seeking the approval of others? Do you often begin everyday discussions with phrases such as “even she said?” Then, you may fear that your opinion and knowledge are not valid enough to be taken seriously.
Ok, so we see the warning signs, but where do we go from here? There are many ways to improve our ability to love ourselves. You can always start off small and build upon skills that will strengthen your inner critic toward being the best version of yourself. So, let us get started….
Seek support from a professional or establish a network with like-minded individuals who care for your well-being and value you as a person.
Practice accepting yourself as you are right now and moving forward when you are ready.
Learn how to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and set new goals to “right your wrongs.”
Practice self-care to de-stress and assign time to remind yourself that you need and deserve kindness. Make yourself a priority!
Create an intentional list of negative thoughts you often experience and write down positive replacement thoughts to practice internalizing.
Practice gratitude- being thankful for who you are and what you have, rather than what you are not and do not have.
Look for patterns within your personal relationships that indicate a lack of self-love. Seek to attract the people in your life that recognize your worth and respect healthy boundaries.
Ultimately, by seeking to remind yourself that throughout each of these tasks, you are treating yourself the way in which you would treat others that you cared for. One thing we know for sure is that fostering understanding, empathy, and patience takes time and a lot of work. However, with effort often comes change. Take this month to show yourself the love it has been lacking!
Author: Vanessa LaBruzza, LAC