Understanding Today's Teen
Let’s talk teens! Many teens experience a range of emotions that may seem complex to those caring adults around them. Throughout the teenage years, factors such as hormones, changing bodies and minds, as well as social pressures take the front seat. Left to their own vices, today’s teen often presents with symptoms of anxiety, depression, or a lack of healthy communication skills. So, how do we as adults navigate these tumultuous waters with our teens while still preserving our relationships with them? Good question. This notion is nothing new for parents, but the world has certainly changed since we were teenagers. Ultimately, technology has altered the course and has left parents wondering how they fit in when parenting their teens. Here are a few tips for understanding today’s teen.
Connections are their world. Yes, connecting to their peers is a top priority for teens and developmentally always has been. Remember the good old days of spending countless hours in the neighborhood after school and on weekends hanging out with your friends? Well, today’s world presents different challenges that may prevent your teen from the plentitude of opportunities to do so that we likely had. In comes technology… right there at their fingertips is a whole world of connecting with peers at any and every time of the day or night. Ah, the temptation! As parents, it is important to understand this temptation while still setting age-appropriate boundaries to encourage other forms of connecting other than through technology. Ask your child to go out with you to the store or for dinner as a family. They may roll their eyes, but doing so encourages face-to-face communication and connecting skills.
Freedom of speech! Today’s world doesn’t shy away from letting teens know that they have a right to an opinion and perspective regardless of what adults say. This is a good thing when standing up for themselves in dangerous situations or when discussing topics at school. However, it is equally troublesome when trying to parent today’s teen. Many teens today have become quite verbose in arguing for their rights with their parents. They may attempt to use what they see and hear in videos and through texts with other teenagers as evidence for their case. So, what do we say when presented with a courtroom of evidence to support their plea to go to that party? Listen, empathize, and point out the dangers that could occur in a more generalized way. This often takes away the blaming and shaming aspect of parenting and makes these scenarios more of a teachable moment. Yes, there will be plenty of eye-rolling and mumbling under their breath. Yet, your teen may see your point and begin to realize it is not a personal attack on them.
Believe it or not - they want you to challenge them! Contrary to popular belief, teens expect their parents to set boundaries and enforce rules. In fact, it is not uncommon for your teen to feel confused when you allow them to get away with something. They may appear as if they have “won,” but typically deep down they are suspicious and unknowingly disappointed that they weren’t told what the limits were. Therefore, consistency and structure are often beneficial to both you and your teen.
Despite trying out these tips, we as parents, are likely to still face adversity when handling our teens. If your teen does not respond favorably to any of these suggestions, perhaps seeking out professional help may be necessary to rule out other reasons for their defiance. However, at the very least, if we approach them as allies instead of enemies, the odds weigh in our favor more times than not. Empathy, positive communication, and patience go a long way!
Author: Vanessa LaBruzza, LAC