Self-Care vs Self-Indulgence: Finding the Balance
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the term “self-care?” For many of us, our minds are flooded with images of bubble baths, long days at the spa, shopping sprees, and other things that are generally either unattainable or unrealistic to do regularly. Sure, those activities might be part of self-care for some people, but self-care has become such a buzzword these days that its meaning has been skewed and often confused with self-indulgence. This confusion overshadows the deeper meaning and purpose behind true self-care practices.
So, What is Self-Care?
At its core, self-care really is all about nurturing our health not only mentally, but also emotionally and physically. It goes way beyond superficial indulgences and dives deep into practices that promote longer-term, sustainable well-being. Stress and anxiety are so prevalent in our world, which is why we believe that understanding what the meaning self-care entails is crucial.
Self-Indulgence: It’s a Trap!
Self-indulgence can seem like self-care on the outside or in the short term, but it’s often masquerading as self-care. This can include any activity that gives instant gratification but does very little to actually address underlying issues or foster personal growth. It can feel so nice to “get a little treat” (oops, yeah we went there!) and confuse it for true self-care. Are we saying that little treats can’t be self-care? No! But, we want to make sure that we are addressing the root causes of stress and promoting resilience rather than just splurging on material items, overeating comfort foods, or spending too much time on social media dissociating.
…but How Does Trauma Play into This?
To truly understand self-care, we must consider it through a trauma-informed lens. Many of us carry unseen wounds from past experiences, which can influence how we perceive and practice self-care. Trauma can distort our ability to nurture ourselves in healthy ways, leading to either neglect or overindulgence.
For instance, someone who has experienced chronic stress or abuse may struggle with self-worth, making it difficult to prioritize genuine self-care. They may engage in behaviors that offer fleeting comfort but perpetuate cycles of guilt and shame. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from the cycle of self-indulgence.
Neuropsychological Insights on Self-Care
From a neuropsychological perspective, self-care practices can significantly impact brain function and overall mental health. When we engage in healthy self-care, we activate neural pathways associated with reward, motivation, and emotional regulation. Here’s a closer look at how self-care practices affect the brain:
Exercise and Brain Health: Physical activity increases the release of endorphins and neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which improve mood and reduce anxiety. Regular exercise also enhances neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and grow, which is crucial for resilience and cognitive function.
Mindfulness and Neuroplasticity: mindfulness practices, such as meditation, have been shown to increase gray matter density in brain regions involved in emotional regulation, attention, and self-awareness. These changes enhance our ability to manage stress and improve our overall well-being.
Intuitive Eating and Cognitive Function: Intuitive eating emphasizes listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues, fostering a healthy relationship with food. This approach helps prevent emotional eating, which can negatively impact cognitive function and emotional health. Nourishing your body with balanced, nutrient-dense foods supports brain health and mental clarity.
Sleep and Memory Consolidation: Quality sleep is vital for cognitive processes like memory consolidation and emotional regulation. Adequate rest allows the brain to process and integrate experiences, which is essential for learning and mental health.
Meaningful Self-Care
Meaningful self-care starts with building a foundation of self-awareness by identifying our true needs and honoring them in ways that foster growth and healing.
We’ve listed some principles below to help guide you as you find the balance between self-care and self-indulgence:
Mindful Awareness: Take some time to check in with yourself frequently. Notice your physical sensations/reactions, emotions, and thoughts. Try doing this without judgment, accepting them for what they are. This awareness can help discern whether your actions are motivated by a desire for escape or by genuine self-care.
Nurturing Practices: Engage in activities that replenish your energy and promote holistic well-being. This could include things like exercise, meditation, creative activities, connecting with loved ones, trying something new, or returning to something you loved doing as a child. Choose activities that align with your values and contribute positively to your life.
Setting Boundaries: Boundaries are a hot topic and for a great reason! Learning to have healthy boundaries is a powerful form of self-care. Set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. This might involve declining invitations, delegating tasks, or stepping back from draining relationships. Some of us have too rigid boundaries and need to learn to open them up a bit, while others of us have porous boundaries that are too open and need to learn limits.
Seeking Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help or lean on trusted friends and family members. Therapy, support groups, or even simple conversations can provide invaluable insights and encouragement on your self-care journey.
Compassionate Reflection: Be gentle with yourself when you find yourself slipping into self-indulgent habits. Instead of criticizing yourself, practice self-compassion. Reflect on what triggered the behavior and explore healthier alternatives for next time.
Practical Tips for Everyday Self-Care
Let’s break down some practical examples of self-care that are both meaningful and accessible:
Physical Activity: Whether it’s a yoga session, a walk in nature, or dancing to your favorite music, movement is a powerful form of self-care that boosts mood and reduces stress.
Mindfulness Practices: Take a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness or meditation. These techniques help cultivate present-moment awareness and resilience in the face of challenges.
Intuitive Eating: Nourish your body by paying attention to your hunger and fullness cues. Choose foods that make you feel good both physically and emotionally, without strict rules or restrictions.
Digital Detox: Limit screen time and create boundaries around technology use. Disconnecting from constant notifications can improve sleep quality and mental clarity.
Creative Expression: Engage in activities that allow you to express yourself creatively, whether it’s painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument. Creativity is a powerful outlet for emotions and promotes self-discovery.
Self-care is not a luxury reserved for special occasions, it’s a fundamental aspect of maintaining mental health and well-being. By understanding the differences between self-care and self-indulgence, we empower ourselves to make choices that support our growth and resilience both long and short term. True self-care is about nurturing yourself with kindness, compassion, and a deep commitment to long-term happiness even if it involves a more “boring” or stressful task in the short term, such as getting everything together to pay taxes. Practical tasks like budgeting, cleaning, and organizing can also be powerful forms of self-care that contribute to a sense of overall order in your life.
By making self-care a priority even when time is scarce, you build an intentional foundation of resilience that helps you navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and grace. We hope that you’ll find that as you continue your journey toward more sustainable self-care, you find balance and joy in every day and will remember that you deserve to feel whole and loved.
Author: Kristen Hearn, MA, Prelicensed Therapist