Tips for What to Do (and NOT Do) for Parents and their College-Bound Teen
It’s that time… back to school. Before K-12 students go back to school, college students go back. Depending on where your college-bound student is going, some schools start back sooner rather than later and before you know it, they will be out of the house. This can be an emotional time for both parents and college-bound teens. Here are some tips to get everyone through move-in day and the first semester of college.
Tips for Parents
Do:
Schedule times to talk and check in.
Set up a day or time ahead of move-in day that you and your college student will check in with each other. If it needs to be moved, make sure it still happens. Technology is great and this check-in could be over text, phone, video, e-mail, or even in person if your student is nearby! Check in about school, friends, dorm life, sports, and activities, as well as what’s going on at home and with other members of the family. Have a family pet? Let them join if possible!Check out the health services on and around campus.
Do this BEFORE your student needs services. If they are in crisis or ill, that is not the time to figure out where everything is. Encourage them to use the services if they need to, as they are often free/included in tuition for students. Check out services off-campus as well as some schools have restrictions on how long they can treat students. Be sure your student has a copy of the health insurance card with them.Develop a financial plan.
If you are helping your student out financially, and I am not just talking about tuition and room/board, sit down with them ahead of time and review expectations. Do they have a budget that they need to stay within? Are you going to provide a certain amount of money to them? What is that money allowed to be used for? Are you expecting them to get a job to help pay for their items? Have this conversation sooner rather than later so everyone is on the same page. Don’t wait until the last minute to tell your student that you aren’t covering their textbooks anymore and they are 2 weeks out from needing money for them.
Don’t:
Reach out to your child’s professor.
This is a major boundary violation and inappropriate. If your child is 18, FERPA also applies. If you are concerned about anything academic with your student, speak to them directly. Encourage them to reach out to their professors and advisors if there are any issues. You e-mailing or calling the professor is NOT helping your student grow. It’s you doing something for them that they need to learn to do on their own.Pick their major, job, sports/clubs, or sorority/fraternity.
Just because you or your significant other (or another family member) majored in finance, was on the basketball team, and pledge in Greek life doesn’t mean your student needs to. Allow them to explore their options and find their own passion. This is their life and their journey, not yours.Be afraid to let them struggle.
As parents, it can be very difficult to not just jump in and fix or do for your children. Let your college student mess up, within reason. Mistakes are great opportunities for learning and growth. Allow them to struggle a little bit. This can assist them in conflict resolution, social skills, problem-solving, and assertiveness. Encourage and discuss different options with them, but let them do the work.
Tips for Students
Do:
Take pieces of home with you if you are going away to college.
For many college freshmen, this will be the first time you are away from home, without your parents, for an extended period of time. Take something from home with you. Have a favorite pillow or blanket? Bring it. Photos of friends and family members? Hang ‘em up! Laundry scent that was used at home? Grab the same one! Just because you aren’t home anymore doesn’t mean you can’t bring some pieces of home with you to your dorm.Try new experiences!
College is a time to experiment and have fun. Try out for the sport, club, or other activity that you never did before. Take a class that you are curious about and check out that local coffee shop. Make friends with your roommate and others on your floor and in your classes. If you are a commuter, stay on campus during breaks and meet new people.Be responsible.
Remember how I just said try new experiences? Being responsible goes along with that. Don’t make a decision that will have a long-lasting negative effect on your life. Have a buddy if you are going out, check in with your parents, know your surroundings, and be safe when it comes to substances. Remember that no still means no and if you don’t feel comfortable, you can leave.
Don’t:
Forget to call home.
Your parent(s) are also adjusting to the new change. Call them as a surprise to let them know you are doing okay and thinking about them. Answer when they call if you aren’t in class, and if you schedule a time to chat, stick to it. You can still have fun and study while staying in touch with your loved ones. Don’t have too much time to chat? Send a funny photo to them!Skip class.
It may seem tempting. Especially, for the professor who doesn’t take attendance and you are 1 of 300 in a lecture hall. Don’t make a habit out of skipping class. Someone is paying for you to be there and the information is important. If the class is THAT bad, consider dropping it. If you can’t drop it, remember it’s only a semester long, and next semester you can try to look for a different class or professor.Stay in your room all day.
This goes for commuters as well. Don’t stay alone in your room all day. Get outside and meet new people. Make the most out of what your school has to offer. Many schools have common hours where no classes are held and there are FREE events on campus. Go check them out and try new things.
College-aged students are one of my favorite populations to work with. If you or your college student is interested in services, please contact me. Services are provided in NJ (in-person and virtually), NY (virtually), VT (virtually), and FL (virtually). *If your college student is 18+, they need to contact me themselves for services.